Life Goes On

What a week. First of all, I want to thank everyone for all of the phone calls, cards, emails and thoughtful sentiments that were sent our way. It really does help when people out there express their understanding for what we're going through, because not everyone knows how devastating losing a pet can be. It means a great deal to know that you are all thinking of us.

We are getting used to what I'm calling "new normal" around here. The best way I can describe it is this: You know when the power goes out, and even though you know there's no electricity, you still find yourself flipping the light switch on every time you enter a room? It's kinda like that. I know he's not here, but I still look for him when I come in the door, and I still head for the slider to let him out every night before I go to bed. 13 years is a long time, and it will take a while to let some of the old habits go I guess.

The hardest part, though is trying to explain all of this to Nicholas. We sat him down and talked to him about it right away, but he just didn't get it. It was a day or two later, when he realized that the dog was gone, that the questions began. We did our best to answer only the questions he asked, and to be as honest as we could. Still, a week later, he's still asking, "Where's Tigua?" And saying, "Don't worry, Mama, he'll be coming home soon." He did ask me where Heaven is, and I told him it's way way up in the sky. The other day I got an email at school from Todd saying that Nicholas had just stood in the middle of the driveway, looked up at the sky, and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Bye Tigua! I miss you!" And then asked Todd, "Daddy, why didn't he bark?" Good grief... literally.

Life does go on, however. This weekend we signed Nicholas up for preschool, which will start in the fall. I can't believe we're already talking about preschool. Time sure does fly. And we spent a great afternoon today in the snow with our neighbors. Nicholas and "G" went sledding and slid down the slide about 100 times each. We had a lot of laughs - and very cold toes!

Over the past week, I found myself writing more than I typically do - it's my way of working things out in my head. Like this blog - sometimes I think of it as my therapy. It started off as just a way to get information about Nicholas's premature birth out to the masses, but it has become more of a chronicle of our lives over the past 3 years. I feel like I should apologize for the sappiness of it at times, but it really is like my own personal journal, and I often feel lighter after I post something. Anyway, this is one of the lists I came up with this week. Thought I'd share it here.

Things I Learned About Life This Week

• It's possible that I loved that ol' furball more than even I realized.


• We have an amazing network of family, friends, and co-workers who will be there when we need them.


• Cats mourn too.


• From now on, it's my responsibility to bend down and pick up the food that I drop on the floor.


• 3-year-olds are more aware of life's mysteries than I thought, and can make some pretty profound statements.


• Always have waterproof mascara on hand for weeks like this one. You never know when something will set you off.
  


• No amount of chips, bowls of pasta, desserts, or glasses of wine can fill the hole in my heart where a golden retriever used to be. I'm still giving it a good try though.

Have a great week everyone!